House Tour


"Hey! I'm Mac Jamison, and I'll be your host for SimBC's newest reality show, coming soon on prime time television! Now, you may be wondering what kind of inane challenges we'll be forcing a bunch of young, beautiful adults to debase themselves into doing for the chance to win some prize that a network executive determined based on our quarterly budget."


"We've searched the entire country for 8 lucky women who will get to compete for the love of a chiseled Adonis. The twist? Some of them might be competing for a different prize altogether. But before we get into that, let's have a tour of our first (and hopefully not the last) season's setting: Midas Manor"


"Let's head inside."


"We're first greeted by the manor's living room, with a seating area by the fireplace. This is where we'll hold elimination rounds, right until we're down to our last lady."


"Just beside that is the dining area, stocked with the finest china the producers could haul from the nearest garage sales!"


"And of course, we have a fully stocked kitchen and bar, where the contestants and the bachelor can drink and eat to their heart's content. Hopefully not to the point where they'll embarrass themselves on national TV."


"We also have a home gym for those who want to work out any tensions they may come across while living in this house. I hear the bachelor himself likes keeping himself fit, so expect to see him a lot in this room!"


"And once you're done getting all grimy and sweaty, you can wash it all off in our luxurious bathroom."


"Of course, not only can you train your body; a study is also here to train the mind. If you're looking for some peace and quiet, you can spend some time curled up with a good book. As long as you don't forget to spend some time getting to know our bachelor, who I can say is a much harder read than any book."


"Right next to the study is our confessional room, where our ladies can air out their thoughts and grievances for all of national TV to hear! Soundproofed of course, in case anyone tries to eavesdrop."


"And just in case none of the other rooms do it for you, we also have a game room full of activities such as Don't Wake The Llama and darts. Careful not to poke someone's eye out! No matter how much you want to."


"Behind the house, we have a back porch with yoga mats and a meditation chair if you feel the need to become one with the universe. Maybe there you'll find the answers to winning our bachelor's heart."


"This all leads to the backyard, with a basketball hoop, pool, and grill for the perfect pool party. I'm sure most people would enjoy an occasional dip in the water. Perhaps the bachelor and the ladies will get to swim in each other's waters as well. Who knows?"


"Just beyond that is a cozy little garden nook where the bachelor and a lady of his choice can have some alone time to themselves. Of course, we've also set up cameras in this spot for your voyeuristic pleasure! There's no chance we'll risk missing a shot of a passionate declaration of love."


"On climbing the stairs, you'll reach our upstairs landing area. This leads to the manor's bedrooms. We'll also be holding some challenges here, where each lady gets the chance to win a date with our dashing leading man."


"Here, our bachelor gets an entire master suite to himself. It also comes with its own private bathroom right over there. I have to admit I'm quite jealous. Imagine what you can do with all this space! I'm sure our bachelor will be doing some soul searching here to determine if a lady truly is the right one for him."


"On the other side of the floor is the contestants' sleeping quarters. Yeah, I know. The producers insisted on this design. For what reason? Beats me. Maybe they're afraid the viewers will forget the gender of this season's contestants and that they'll need all this pink to remind themselves. But you didn't hear that from me."


"Just outside is the balcony. As you know, no dating reality show is complete without a hot tub. Will things get steamy between the ladies and our single gent? We'll soon find out!"


"And that's about it for our little tour. Could you be one of the eight who will get to live in style alongside a handsome stud? Are you ready to take part in an experience that could change your life?"

"Once again, I'm Mac Jamison. Join us as we find out whether our lucky ladies are in it..."


"...for love..."


"...or for money."

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